I've heard it said that you can't let your past decide your present. That no matter where you've come from, or how you got to where you are, you gotta live each moment for it's own sake, not as the logical conclusion to a series of events. That every second of your present is what it is because you make it that way, in that instant, and that you get to decide whether it is positive or negative.
I like this philosophy. Quite a lot. I try to live by it, actually... but I've found that there are instances in which the real-life applications of it aren't quite as helpful and poetic.
Because as with all things bright and beautiful on earth, humans have an incredible capacity for messing this up (myself included of course) For example: forgiveness is awesome. Sometimes when you're struggling to forgive somebody it's super cool to reflect on this philosophy, then look yourself in the mirror and decide whether you are going to cling to mistakes made in the past, and drag that pain into your present forever, or whether you are willing to bravely choose to behave lovingly, let go of that past reality, and in this new moment to begin to heal instead.
-Well, when it's laid out all neat and pretty like that, the preferable choice seems obvious, and that's just peachy. But exactly how much of the past should we leave in the past? What about that horribly annoying couple who are getting back together AGAIN, or the victim of violence who keeps returning to their abusive spouse, or the repeat offender who keeps getting out on parole? You could excuse all of them with "forgiveness" but is there a limit to how much we should forgive? Should we perhaps forgive but not forget? What does that entail? How much are we allowed to learn from past experiences before they begin to dictate our present?
Overall, I do my best to stick by that philosophy of taking every moment for what it's worth, and making what you will of your present. Realistically, though, I do realize that in between the little misunderstandings and the minor setbacks, there are moments in our life that shape who we are. These occurrences or situations or events (or even people) from our past and how we responded to them make up bits and pieces of the people we are now, whether or not our past and present selves are the same person.
For me, one such self-defining past occurrence was my first ever kiss. Well, not my first ever kiss; that was a quick, nervous ordeal preceded by a sitcom-y nose-bump and followed by terrified giggling which took place on the boy's couch in a dark basement- but I mean my first kiss kiss like with tongues and teeth and hormones. That one took place 2 years later, and with a different boy- but also on the couch in his dark basement, which seems necessary to point out.
Anyway, I can't help but aknowledge that first kiss kiss as a piece of the past that affects my present reality, and I say that, because I puked in his mouth.
Now, take a second to think about that. There was some hot, smelly, human vomit. It came from my nasty gurgling stomach, exited my mouth, and then entered the mouth (and possibly throat, stomach, nose, etc) of a DIFFERENT PERSON... This is the stuff of nightmares.
Now before you get all riled up and upset with me for forcing my vomit into another human being, allow me to explain how this was NOT AT ALL my fault: First of all, I'm pretty sure this kid (Let's call him "Adam" because it's ironic, even though I probably won't even need to say his name again) was offspring of Gene Simmons and a feral cat, and I say that because his tongue had to be AT LEAST as long as my forearm- just obscenely long, and not JUST long, but dry, and scratchy, and AGGRESSIVE! A solid case could be made in favor of my gastrointestinal system stating that the vomit was sent up as a defense mechanism to keep that monster tongue from strangling me,Strangling me from the inside-out, that is. Second of all, not only did this boy have a dry, aggressive tongue the length of New Hampshire, he also [somehow simultaneously] had some serious drooling issues. And I'm not talking about normal human saliva, but like gross, sloppy SPIT that got all over my mouth and tasted like the hot dogs with relish (I DESPISE hot dogs with relish) that I'd watched him eat earlier.
I think perhaps the heart of the issue here, was that I was drowning in his spit, so instinctively I tried to preserve my life by swallowing, which only only led to choking on his mutant giraffe tongue, which of course resulted in the defense-puke... which was entirely not my fault.
Now, as anyone who's puked inside another person will tell you, there's a certain moment that happens just before the vomit rises, when you become profoundly aware of what is about to happen. It's the kind of moment that changes a person. In these precious final seconds before the full eruption occurs, you are afforded the opportunity to remember your life as you once knew it, and to accept that the moment this other person has tasted your upchuck, you can never go back. Your mouth, your diet, your outlook on teenage dating, and most of all your dignity are forever altered.
Truly, the consequences of throwing up into the mouth of a romantic interest reach far beyond the initial horrified choking, ruined upholstery, and the car ride home awkward enough to cause physical pain... No, from the bottom of my heart, I believe that blowing chunks into that boy's esophagus has made me the woman I am today... and by that I mean the awkward, nervous, bread-eating, basement-couch avoiding romantic disaster that I am today. Ah well.
And just in case you wanted some KICKASS visuals for that story: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Izp7g5CJekY#t=110
(for those of you that aren't going to watch the video, the clip is from the movie "Kickass 2"...get it? "kickass visuals"...)
~Alicen
Two blog posts in a
Single day means double the
Haikus. Elephant.
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Scenes from Life Act2 Scene 1: ...But It Seemed Kinda Stupid
[Scene: A Sits at Library Information Desk, working. B and C enter together.]
B: Hey, good to see you, A! What are you working on?
A: Oh this is procrastinating, I'm just writing some stuff for my blog
B: You have a blog?
C: Oh yeah! I saw on facebook you had a blog. I looked at it. I read like the first sentence, but...
A: [unsure if C intends to continue] ...oh. Yeah.
B: Well. [Vaguely senses the awkward atmosphere. Is confused by it] We-We gotta go. I'll see ya.
A: Okay, see you guys later
~Ali
Rainy day, and cold
My tummy hurts and I
Just want to punch stuff
B: Hey, good to see you, A! What are you working on?
A: Oh this is procrastinating, I'm just writing some stuff for my blog
B: You have a blog?
C: Oh yeah! I saw on facebook you had a blog. I looked at it. I read like the first sentence, but...
A: [unsure if C intends to continue] ...oh. Yeah.
B: Well. [Vaguely senses the awkward atmosphere. Is confused by it] We-We gotta go. I'll see ya.
A: Okay, see you guys later
~Ali
Rainy day, and cold
My tummy hurts and I
Just want to punch stuff
Wednesday, November 13, 2013
How to Be the Most Annoying Patron at Pius Library
I love working at the library, but as a student worker who works all 3 help desks, I am well versed in obnoxious library-patron behavior. Here's a helpful how-to guide on how to be the absolute worst person to walk through the doors.
Don't Set Foot In the Library Until Your Senior Year
This will ensure that you are completely helpless in regards to effectively utilizing the wide array of library resources which have been available to you for the past three years, yet no longer feel the need to be polite in asking for assistance.
Break Things
If the computer or printer is running too slowly for your taste, it probably just needs a good hard shake, or an angry kick. Same goes for the ancient vending machines. Don't forget to fill the keyboards with food crumbs and spilt drinks as well.
Is a plastic trash can, or aluminum chair blocking your path? Give it a good solid kick or shove just to show it who's boss.
As the library is a relatively calm and peaceful place to work, the staff is always looking for some excitement. You can help them out by being rough and disrespectful with the furniture, particularly the small desk lamps, plastic whiteboard mounts, and old wooden tables. Try to spice things up a bit by using the scanners, paper cutters, and industrial staplers in unconventional ways- or even on each other!
Once you have succeeded in destroying library property make sure to not tell anyone. Librarians love surprises. Better yet, make a half-assed attempt to hide what you've done in the hopes that some unsuspecting student worker may soon rearrange the heavy stock furniture only to end up with a piece of shattered light bulb in their foot.
Avoid a Normal Speaking Voice
When interacting with library staff, disregard the social cue they extend by speaking normally, and restrict yourself to a subdued whisper. Mumbling incoherently and angrily using a language the desk worker doesn't speak are also strongly encouraged.
When in the relative privacy of a study room, however, be sure to shout as loudly and consistently as possible, as if the rooms were sound-proof. This will ensure that your fellow library patrons will complain to the socially awkward desk workers, who will in turn be forced to come knock on the door and nervously ask you to quiet down.
Explain Why the Rules Should Not Apply to You
Over the years the library has formed a specific list of rules and codes of behavior that allow the staff to maintain a safe, efficient, and study-friendly environment. Following these rules however, may sometimes prove to be a minor inconvenience to you, however, and that simply will not do. There are many ways that you can express this, but the most popular ones include:
When a desk worker asks to see your ID, wave your hand dismissively and grunt "I go here, okay?"
When all the study rooms are taken, plant yourself at the desk and insist that you "really REALLY need one right now, though"
When a book ordered from a library in another state is set to arrive in a week "No no no, I need this by tomorrow"
If you aren't getting your way, try bullying library staff into bending the rules for you by threatening to become even more of a nuisance.
Pretend to be ignorant
Also, when you forget to save work done on the public use computers to an external source, be sure to explain to the desk worker exactly how much blood sweat and tears you've poured into whatever wasn't important enough to email to yourself, and INSIST that they have the magical ability to bring it all back after you've logged yourself out. -The obvious explanation is that aren't helping because they simultaneously hate you and desperately want you to spend MORE time there with them.
Demand Instant Gratification
The library provides hundreds of opportunities to show the world just how greatly your self-importance outweighs your intelligence. First, only ever ask for help with a paper or project when it is due in less than twenty four hours. This will inflate your sense of urgency and allow you feel you have a free pass to bark orders at Library Staff. Only spend about thirty seconds attempting to research the project on your own, then storm over to the help desk claiming that you have scoured the millions (literally there are over a million physical research materials here) of materials available and not one of them is what you're looking for. Be sure to present your dilemma to a student worker, not to the research librarian/full time staff member on duty. When you are inevitably referred to someone who specializes in the type of research you are embarking on, grunt, sigh, and drum your fingers on the desk until they arrive to assist you. It might be helpful to have your heart set on a book or journal article that is checked out by another patron or an another library, and demand it be made available to you immediately.
Disregard Signs When Entering/Exiting
The library is full of helpful signs which try to guide patrons into appropriate library behavior. When you enter the Library, one of the very first things you see will be a sign asking you to pull out your student ID and show it to the desk worker. Instead, go ahead and just walk past the desk really quickly with your head down so that they can't make eye contact. Then, when the desk worker asks to see your ID, you can either act like you didn't hear to see if they'll shout at/chase you, or you can pretend like you are the only person who has ever been asked to show identifacation. Make sure to have an angry expression and include loud put-upon sighs before aggressively shoving your ID in the desk worker's face.
You'll notice that both entrances to the library have two sets of doors. These doors are covered in large colorful signs asking you to enter and exit on the left side. Entering on the wrong side will be fun because your backpack will probably smack the sensor which sets off the alarm, and the desk workers will have to crane their necks to watch you walk past. The best, though, is exiting on the wrong side. Be sure to pause for a moment and stare directly at the large red sign which says "Do Not Exit" so that the desk worker assumes they don't have to embarrass you by asking you to use the other door. Then, proceed through those doors anyway, disregarding any protestant "Excuse me!!"s which may come from the desk.
Library protocol states that to prevent theft, desk workers are required to chase down patrons who exit through the wrong door and force them to walk through the door with the sensor, so this is sure to make you stand out as a horribly inconsiderate person.
Don't Set Foot In the Library Until Your Senior Year
This will ensure that you are completely helpless in regards to effectively utilizing the wide array of library resources which have been available to you for the past three years, yet no longer feel the need to be polite in asking for assistance.
Break Things
If the computer or printer is running too slowly for your taste, it probably just needs a good hard shake, or an angry kick. Same goes for the ancient vending machines. Don't forget to fill the keyboards with food crumbs and spilt drinks as well.
Is a plastic trash can, or aluminum chair blocking your path? Give it a good solid kick or shove just to show it who's boss.
As the library is a relatively calm and peaceful place to work, the staff is always looking for some excitement. You can help them out by being rough and disrespectful with the furniture, particularly the small desk lamps, plastic whiteboard mounts, and old wooden tables. Try to spice things up a bit by using the scanners, paper cutters, and industrial staplers in unconventional ways- or even on each other!
Once you have succeeded in destroying library property make sure to not tell anyone. Librarians love surprises. Better yet, make a half-assed attempt to hide what you've done in the hopes that some unsuspecting student worker may soon rearrange the heavy stock furniture only to end up with a piece of shattered light bulb in their foot.
Avoid a Normal Speaking Voice
When interacting with library staff, disregard the social cue they extend by speaking normally, and restrict yourself to a subdued whisper. Mumbling incoherently and angrily using a language the desk worker doesn't speak are also strongly encouraged.
When in the relative privacy of a study room, however, be sure to shout as loudly and consistently as possible, as if the rooms were sound-proof. This will ensure that your fellow library patrons will complain to the socially awkward desk workers, who will in turn be forced to come knock on the door and nervously ask you to quiet down.
Explain Why the Rules Should Not Apply to You
Over the years the library has formed a specific list of rules and codes of behavior that allow the staff to maintain a safe, efficient, and study-friendly environment. Following these rules however, may sometimes prove to be a minor inconvenience to you, however, and that simply will not do. There are many ways that you can express this, but the most popular ones include:
When a desk worker asks to see your ID, wave your hand dismissively and grunt "I go here, okay?"
When all the study rooms are taken, plant yourself at the desk and insist that you "really REALLY need one right now, though"
When a book ordered from a library in another state is set to arrive in a week "No no no, I need this by tomorrow"
If you aren't getting your way, try bullying library staff into bending the rules for you by threatening to become even more of a nuisance.
Pretend to be ignorant
Also, when you forget to save work done on the public use computers to an external source, be sure to explain to the desk worker exactly how much blood sweat and tears you've poured into whatever wasn't important enough to email to yourself, and INSIST that they have the magical ability to bring it all back after you've logged yourself out. -The obvious explanation is that aren't helping because they simultaneously hate you and desperately want you to spend MORE time there with them.
Demand Instant Gratification
The library provides hundreds of opportunities to show the world just how greatly your self-importance outweighs your intelligence. First, only ever ask for help with a paper or project when it is due in less than twenty four hours. This will inflate your sense of urgency and allow you feel you have a free pass to bark orders at Library Staff. Only spend about thirty seconds attempting to research the project on your own, then storm over to the help desk claiming that you have scoured the millions (literally there are over a million physical research materials here) of materials available and not one of them is what you're looking for. Be sure to present your dilemma to a student worker, not to the research librarian/full time staff member on duty. When you are inevitably referred to someone who specializes in the type of research you are embarking on, grunt, sigh, and drum your fingers on the desk until they arrive to assist you. It might be helpful to have your heart set on a book or journal article that is checked out by another patron or an another library, and demand it be made available to you immediately.
Disregard Signs When Entering/Exiting
The library is full of helpful signs which try to guide patrons into appropriate library behavior. When you enter the Library, one of the very first things you see will be a sign asking you to pull out your student ID and show it to the desk worker. Instead, go ahead and just walk past the desk really quickly with your head down so that they can't make eye contact. Then, when the desk worker asks to see your ID, you can either act like you didn't hear to see if they'll shout at/chase you, or you can pretend like you are the only person who has ever been asked to show identifacation. Make sure to have an angry expression and include loud put-upon sighs before aggressively shoving your ID in the desk worker's face.
You'll notice that both entrances to the library have two sets of doors. These doors are covered in large colorful signs asking you to enter and exit on the left side. Entering on the wrong side will be fun because your backpack will probably smack the sensor which sets off the alarm, and the desk workers will have to crane their necks to watch you walk past. The best, though, is exiting on the wrong side. Be sure to pause for a moment and stare directly at the large red sign which says "Do Not Exit" so that the desk worker assumes they don't have to embarrass you by asking you to use the other door. Then, proceed through those doors anyway, disregarding any protestant "Excuse me!!"s which may come from the desk.
Library protocol states that to prevent theft, desk workers are required to chase down patrons who exit through the wrong door and force them to walk through the door with the sensor, so this is sure to make you stand out as a horribly inconsiderate person.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
Scenes from Life: Act 1 Scene 3: Suburban Nomad
A and F are sitting on the floor of F's apartment working on a project, and a third pile of books/laptop rests beside them. It is dark outside.
S enters with a bottle of wine and three cups
S: Alright, y'all time to get the creative juices flowing! [Sets the cups down and begins to pour the wine out]
A: Aw man, I'm sorry, I can't. I've gotta drive home and stuff. Actually, I should probably head out soon...
F: Are you serious?
S: Dude, just sleep here!
A: I can't, I don't have any clothes
S: You can wear mine!
A: I wish I could, but I haven't been home in four days; I gotta grab some stuff for class. Plus, my parents think I'm dead. I promised them I'd be home tonight.
F: Guuh, I wish you didn't live so far away!!
S: Seriously, You gotta move out of your parent's house. Are you gonna sub-lease from K next semester?
A: I wanted to, but I worked it all out, and I can't afford it.
F: It's only 275 a month!
S: Yeah! That's SO cheap!
A: That's almost 100% of what I make in a month.
F:... I heard almost
~A
Motivation is
Like a new Lamborghini
I do not have it
S enters with a bottle of wine and three cups
S: Alright, y'all time to get the creative juices flowing! [Sets the cups down and begins to pour the wine out]
A: Aw man, I'm sorry, I can't. I've gotta drive home and stuff. Actually, I should probably head out soon...
F: Are you serious?
S: Dude, just sleep here!
A: I can't, I don't have any clothes
S: You can wear mine!
A: I wish I could, but I haven't been home in four days; I gotta grab some stuff for class. Plus, my parents think I'm dead. I promised them I'd be home tonight.
F: Guuh, I wish you didn't live so far away!!
S: Seriously, You gotta move out of your parent's house. Are you gonna sub-lease from K next semester?
A: I wanted to, but I worked it all out, and I can't afford it.
F: It's only 275 a month!
S: Yeah! That's SO cheap!
A: That's almost 100% of what I make in a month.
F:... I heard almost
~A
Motivation is
Like a new Lamborghini
I do not have it
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Scenes from Life: Act 2 Scene 2 "You Have the Soul of a Poet"
M and W are laying in bed. The lights are off. A laptop rests beside them.
M: "I don't really do that, do I?"
W: Well no- what I wrote wasn't so much about you, specifically, as it was about the idea of you.
M: "I don't understand... Why would you put it in your blog if it wasn't true? [ pause] Why wouldn't you just put facts, and your thoughts about those facts?"
W: I didn't need it to be factual. I just wrote that because it was funny.
M: "I don't get it. I guess I just don't understand your humor"
W: Well I guess you don't have to. [ pause. W switches gears. ] Maybe you need to broaden your definition of "true"
M: "Yeah, right."
~A
NaNoWriMo is
A time to remember that
I have Writer's block
M: "I don't really do that, do I?"
W: Well no- what I wrote wasn't so much about you, specifically, as it was about the idea of you.
M: "I don't understand... Why would you put it in your blog if it wasn't true? [ pause] Why wouldn't you just put facts, and your thoughts about those facts?"
W: I didn't need it to be factual. I just wrote that because it was funny.
M: "I don't get it. I guess I just don't understand your humor"
W: Well I guess you don't have to. [ pause. W switches gears. ] Maybe you need to broaden your definition of "true"
M: "Yeah, right."
~A
NaNoWriMo is
A time to remember that
I have Writer's block
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