As an upperclassman (undergrad) college student I'm at a point in my life where a lot of people are asking "What will you do when you graduate?" Most of you reading this are probably right there with me. You can probably also relate to that feeling it evokes, which is some combination of an immediate, overwhelming desire to drive your still-adolescent fist right through the asker's big, nosy nose, and the ominous certainty that you about to burst into tears at an innocuous inquiry. Sloppy, ugly tears.
Or maybe you have some semblance of emotional stability that I lack, in which case bully for you, you fearless robot of an undergraduate.
What I'm getting at, though, is that I think that question is flawed from the start. Maybe some people really do know what's next, but I have yet to meet them. It seems crazy to me that as a society the norm is to conversationally hand some 20-year-old idiot a piece of chalk, and ask them to outline a path they can blithely hopscotch along for the next 60 years. And if that's not the path they hop onto, or maybe it changes halfway through, or they grab a pogo stick or something, then they're a failure! Just because as a 20-year-old-idiot, this person thought that maybe they would want x and they ended up doing y.
Anyway, enough of my soapbox. If you're faced with this question as often as I am, here's a cheat sheet which you might find helpful of my favorite responses to the question "What are you going to do when you graduate?"(You probably won't find it helpful at all, as it's tailored very closely to my own experiences)
1. "Live in a roach-motel of an apartment with three other starving artists while we all work in food service to pay the bills. Probably a stray cat will be involved. He or she will eat better than any of us."
1a. "Hell if I know, man. Let's pretend it's not happening
This response is for those who know where your'e coming from. You can say this to the other terrified, stumbling undergrads who peer out from the obscurity for just a moment to check and make sure that no one else knows what they're headed for, either.
2. "Become a movie star, co-star with George Clooney, win an Oscar [and stuff it up your butt]"
2a. "Teach"
This one is for all the self-righteous assholes who want to prove to themselves that giving up on their dreams was the right decision, and the one you should have been making, too. Give them something that seems absurdly ambitious, and while they're working for a degree they don't want to get a job in a field they were never interested in anyway they'll think of how someday your dream will be crushed and smile. (because if you don't get exactly that, you're a BIG FAT FAILURE) OR say "Teacher" signifying to them that in some way you have already given up on your dream (regardless of any passion you may truly foster for teaching)
3. "I'm just going to see where the wind takes me"
3a. "Why do you ask, are you hiring?"
You don't care if this person know's you're a hippy/desperate. You've just taken 3 exams, spent all night writing a research paper, and come to the realization that you've been living off tea and ramen (and some tea IN ramen) for like 3 weeks.
4. "Maybe a marathon. I also do crossfit, let me tell you ALL about it"
4a. "Drugs."
There's no reason for you to feel the need to be polite to this person. Maybe if you're terrible enough they will leave you alone.
5. "Invite my friends and family. Wait for my name to be called, Accept my diploma and have it framed."
5a. "Probably cry a lot and then trip as soon as they turn the camera on me"
Maybe if you answer the question very literally the person will think you're moderately funny and know that you would like to change the subject.
I'm on fire and now
I think I'm ready to bust
A move check it out
(Haiku stolen from the lyrics of "The Future Freaks Me Out" by Motion City Soundtrack, which seemed too appropriate to not be included in here)
-A
