Man, has it really been this long since we've procrastinated together, interwebs? I missed you!
Well, in case you didn't notice, Thanksgiving was a couple days ago. I am happy to report that all my white middleclass friends survived Black Friday more or less unharmed.
Christmas is rapidly approaching though, which I report with mixed feelings. -Don't get me wrong, I'm not the kind of person who hates all things red-green-and-snowflakey. I love looking at Christmas lights, and decorating trees, and singing carols, and even picking out and wrapping presents! But with all the talk of gathering your loved ones and the like, December never fails to leave me feeling a little sad as well. Whether I'm stuck thinking about the beloved family and friends who simply couldn't be there to celebrate that year, or for those who never will be again, The Christmas Season starts to feel a little lonely. That, coupled with the wrapping up of the school semester, has left a relentless uneasy knot in the pit of my stomach.
What we find ourselves in now, though, is the throes of the "Holiday Season" which to me also means "Finals Season" and "All Your Friends Are About To Leave You And Go Abroad Season"... Obviously this IS an exciting time, but also horrifyingly stressful. So if you're anything like me, and you'd rather just pretend it's July and you have no looming responsibilities/obligations to others, here are some helpful hints on how to ignore the Whatever-Season:
Tell Everyone You Have A Dentist Appointment
Undoubtedly, far too many people are going to want to see you all at once. Your best shot at avoiding them all is to use the "Dentist Appointment" excuse. It's superior to "Doctor's Appt" excuse because none of your nosy friends will ask "Well what's the appointment for??" and if they DO you just say "TOOTHY STUFF" and then spit blood at them. Also, there is such a thing as a 24hour dentist. So, provided your friends 'believe in' the 24hour dentist (mine apparently don't. I swear they are real.) you're covered even at night!
Or, if you run out of dentist appointments...
Convert
Find a religion that forbids celebrating anything from pagan origin (Jehovah's Witness is a good example) and BAM! No more holidays for you! Also, if people ask you to hang out outside a party, just ask them if they've heard the good news, and they'll awkwardly try not to make eye contact with you ever again.
Subscribe To Netflix
If you're looking for a way to allow a few weeks of your life slip by in a bleary, Nutella and Bryan Cranston-fueled haze, get yourself a Netflix subscription, and simply allow yourself to succumb to the siren song of reams of mystery-dramas, recently cancelled sitcoms, and B-list 90's movies. Today, you'll turn on your computer, and then late January you'll step away, cross eyed and a little bewildered, having sustained yourself on nothing but various Star Treks, Orange Is The New Black, and a plethora of Adam Sandler movies. As you stumble back into reality, you'll probably liken the experience to the first time you dropped acid, but with more colors and less smiling.
Become A House Cat
House cats are so chill I have to wear sweaters around them. EVERY season passes through their mischievous gaze with little more than a slow, deliberate wink to acknowledge it's passing. I haven't quite worked out the details on HOW one would become a house cat but I've dedicated years of intensive kitten field study, as well as a significant amount of time just following my cat around and imitating her every move, in order to resolve the issue.
~Alicen
This is why I should
Not write my posts all at once
Or at 1 AM
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