Sunday, July 6, 2014

Teen-Mom-Cooties

Hey there stragglers!
I say that because (as you may have noticed) I haven't written a post in about 3 billion years. Whoops!

Well, lots has been happening, but the last month or so I've been living at my little cousin's house and babysitting them in the mornings while their parents are at work! WOHOO!
Consequently, I've been spending a lot of time driving around and acting as the guardian of two small children, which on more than one occasion has led people to believe that I am a teenage mother of TWO... with a variety of results.

Now of course, I could never presume to compare my babysitting experience to the trails faced by actual teenage mothers. If you wanna learn something more about that, I recommend this blog post: http://almosthomestl.org/the-cost-of-ignoring-teen-mothers courtesy of a super fantastic local shelter for homeless teenage moms and their kids!

However, in my own humble experience there were a variety of reactions from different age groups...


Young People 
A certain waitress at a cracker barrel in rural Illinois went out of her way to be super nice and understanding for me, which was really sweet!! If it weren't for the sympathetic glances, it wouldn't even have been that weird... But this girl, who was probably just my age definitely had a respect for my "position" which was born out of fear. I say that she always approached the table with caution, like we'd surrounded ourselves with landmines full of poor choices, but like I said, very nice girl. Definitely the nicest young person who seemed to mistake me for a teen mom- Pretty much every other person my age kept their distance. Interacting with them would make you think they'd heard a ghost... As in, people went so far as to pretend not to see us,presumably because teen-mom-cooties are transferred through eye-contact and common courtesy.
But I survived high school, so being ignored by people my own age wasn't exactly a novel experience.

Slightly Older People
I put this group in because of the time I spent with the kids at six flags. These are still-young-but-of-slightly-more-reasonable-age parents (21-24), usually with kids too small for all the cool rides, who would gaze at me with a look that doomed soldiers might share on the battlefield (and made comments to essentially the same extent). This time I was the uncomfortable one, because while it felt nice to harbor a sense of solidarity with these strangers, I was instinctually about as eager as my peers to opt out of the young parents club...Those brave men and women are far braver than I.

Older People
Here are the middle aged people and up. Most of the oldest humans seemed disapproving in a mildly sympathetic, almost patronizing way, which left a "You must have it rough- BUT you brought this on yourself. I wish the best for you, you filthy whore" kind of vibe (you get that, right?) Others were a little more forward with their scathing looks of judgement, rolling eyes and shaking heads, as if to say "How dare you flaunt your shame in public and allow these children to have normal happy lives, it's repulsive." A selfish part of me almost wishes I'd run into more of this type of disapproval, because in my position as someone who isn't actually a teen mother, I was immune to their disapproval, and felt comfortable flaunting my mistaken position. HELLO WORLD!! TAKE A LOOK AT MY YOUTH, AND AT THE CHILDREN I AM HOLDING HANDS WITH!!! WHO'S OFFENDED?? HUH? WHO?!?

But really what I learned from the past month of catching pseudo-adolescent-mom-cooties is that people were generally more understanding than I would have expected them to be... at least, people in rural Illinois parks/restaurants and Six Flags St. Louis, who didn't actually know me and weren't in a position to tell me how to live... 
And of course, I super do NOT promote teen pregnancy. I think people should try their darndest to PREVENT TEEN PREGNANCY
HOWEVER
Shaming teen mothers is no way to do that. Teen mothers are ALREADY mothers, so making them feel like pariahs is only going to hurt them AND their kids, which is no way to be as a society. I think all mothers should be celebrated for their incredible hard work, and supported in times of need. Like I said, parents are a lot tougher and smarter and better than I think I ever could be, so props to you all.

I am really thankful for the people I came across this past month who went out of their way to look out for/be kind to me and the kids this month, whether or not they thought I had "Teen-mom-cooties."

Love, Ali

It is four AM
I wish I had gone to bed
Like three hours ago

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